well, let's see... aside from neglecting my obligations to the ONE follower of this blog, i can't really say that my life has been jam-packed with exciting and note-worthy events. however, i guess i can say that i could possibly rant and rave over the latest crush... what can i say, i am a glutton for punishment... i should first start off by telling you that i am catholic, and because i am constantly trying to find ways to serve god, i decided to follow through with lenten tradition, and sacrifice something, all in the name of the father, the son and the holy ghost... when i was a child, i used to "give up" things like chocolate, or soft drinks. or i would decide to "take on" something, such as volunteer work, or going to one extra mass a week. but alas, this year i decided to give up the one glitch in my make-up... the one vice that tends to block me from my creator the most... THE Y CHROMOSOME... yes, ladies and gentlemen... i had decided to give up contact with a certain individual for forty days and forty nights...
let me first tell you that this person is NOT the same interest from new years... hello, people... we are a quarter into this year... of COURSE it's a new face and a new name... i should also mention that the last situation, from new year's, ended VERY BADLY... i have since made amends for my rash behavior and unrealistic expectations, and needless to say i have developed the same attitude towards another individual... HENSE the decision to leave him alone, at least for lent...
i went to mass on ash wednesday, unsure what i was going to take on or give up, however had a very uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach as i kneeled before the alter, and looked upon an image of jesus. (i will NOT apologize if this offends anyone... i am proud of my catholic upbringing...) i wasn't sure of why i felt so restless and discontent, but knew that my relationship with a certain guy friend was about to change. the signs were all there... late night phone calls that would last forever, random text messages, the looks, then the stares... it was all becoming a little too familiar. and because i had just "laid the new year's situation to rest," i knew that this situation had the potential to get ugly. you see, my pattern is mere interest, turned infatuation, to blind lust where the person begins to have NO VISIBLE SIGNS OF IMPERFECTION... so because i knew the course this could take, i prayed to god for the strength to remove myself from a toxic relationship, and direct my attention to what he would want me to do. all good and well... FOR AN HOUR...
what seems to happen when i ask god to remove situations from me that are questionable, or damaging, is he gives me an even more difficult task... it's like he's saying, "remove yourself..." and then continues to place situations for growth in front of me... you see, what i've realized time and time again, is that god isn't going to remove anything from me without my cooperation. i can't expect him to make any situation better if i am not willing to take the necessary action. and what is lent? an opportunity to work diligently on a character defect, or personality trait for a considerable amount of time...
you are probably guessing what happened... instead of removing the situation from me, god placed TWO distractions in my way, almost like obstacles in a maze, to see how i would work to cross the hurdles in my way... what do i do? get caught up in the madness, and dig myself into a hole that i don't even think "the world's strongest man" could crawl out of. the messages continued, the infatuation deepened, and the smiles kept coming... you see, it really isn't too difficult to realize when this girl has a crush... aside from enlarged pupils and an ear to ear grin, my whole demeanor and posture changes... but without disclosing several of the unnecessary details, i will tell you what has happened...
i have begun two completely valiDATNG not DATING pseudo relationships with two individuals. two completely UNHEALTHY and validating relationships... it seems as though both individuals as well as myself seek acceptance and attention from the other... but that is all... and who doesn't like attention... who doesn't like to be validated and noticed? anyone, bueller? didn't think so... but let's take a moment to look at the big picture... what happens when one of us gets into a REAL relationship... the contact we have with one another WILL change... it would be inappropriate to continue on with the amount and content of the conversations at hand. and knowing that our relationship would be inappropriate then, allows me to realize that it is quite possible that the relationship is inappropriate NOW...
so without telling each of them that i have begun to have certain more-than-friendly feelings for them, i ask them what their individual takes are on our friendship... you see, what i realized from this is that just because there is flirting and smiling and all the like, our perceptions of what is going on is quite different. you see, to them, there was nothing wrong with the amount of time we were spending VALIDATING each other... and after confronting the two of them, decided that it was time for me to carry out that lenten promise... back the "f" up from both situations. and the past week, having done so has brought great freedom, however with supreme sacrifice, and redirected attention comes the thrill of the chase, yet again... almost AS SOON as the texting and validating from my end terminates, they text all the harder... and before you know it, i am sucked back into the game of letting them know just how wonderful they already think they are... and i eventually, end up cheating on BOTH of them with a box of velveeta shells and cheese, and let's just face it girls and boys... the mac ALWAYS wins...
right.. and like, sometimes, i get this OWNERSHIP thing about me, and they are not mine... you know, they are not my boyfriends, they are not my other half... they are merely guys i am interested in getting to know better, but don't reciprocate... and that is fine, but i wish they would let me get on with my life, and quit needing validation from me... but i can only change what i can change, and that is to STOP the validation and seek mine from god.. but the knowledge of this is unoriginal at this point... it's from experience of doing the same stuff over and over and feeling like crap because i am in a FAKE ass relationship... alas, like any other obstacle standing in my way of freedom, it takes some pain before surrender, then comes the true happiness... when i see that the world is as it is, and there is no reason for me to force my will upon the masses... because everything is as it should be... and with that comes separation from myself... separation from the problem...
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
gossip folk
Word to the wise… don’t tell me anything someone says about me, good or bad. It is my experience that gossip is the worst form of communication ever spoken. I will admit, I have had my share of gossiping about someone who was not present to defend themselves, or state their case. And I have felt horrible about it, especially when I am talking about someone that I have considered a friend. It makes me wonder what kind of friend I really am, to harm someone while they aren’t even around. There is something very exciting about knowing something that someone else doesn’t. It happens all the time… “Oh, you mean, you didn’t hear? Oh well, listen to this…” is how I have started out many a conversation. And my motives are completely impure… It isn’t necessarily to talk negatively about the person in question, moreover to let you know that I know more about the situation than you do. It’s like I enjoy letting you know that I have the inside on someone else’s personal life, and you simply don’t.
It’s the same obsession with tabloid and fashion magazines, as if I read this week’s issue of US Weekly, I am closer to knowing Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan better than you could. How many times has it happened, friends and I will get together for coffee or shopping, and I will find myself saying something very matter of factly like, “You hear LiLo is back in treatment, and she has BROKEN UP with SaMANtha Ronson… can you believe that?” Just in case you were wondering, I do not know Lindsay Lohan, nor do I plan on meeting the girl. But, if I do, then please remind me to apologize to her for ever gossiping about her personal life behind her back… Because if she and I were to meet, I can assure you, we would be instant best friends…
You might be asking yourself, why all the recent concern for hurting someone who probably won’t ever find out you ever talked about them… It’s funny how all of a sudden it is a different scenario once you are the person in question. I know people have talked about me before. Mostly, because if someone is gossiping WITH you, then you can probably bet that they are going to gossip ABOUT you at a later date. Also, I know this because we all run in the same crowds. It was brought to my attention on New Year’s Eve by a close friend that I trusted, that someone told him something terribly harmful and cruel about me. After he confided in me that someone had badmouthed me to him, I of course want to know who said it, and what was said… Mistake number one… I should have never taken the bait… But I of course wanted to know what was said. Forgetting that this could cause more harm in the situation if he told me, I begged for him to tell me the information, promising that I wouldn’t go anywhere with it. But when he told me what our “friend” said about me, it took everything I had not to confront them later that night when I saw him. I was crushed. I was hurt. My heart was broken, and it was all a problem of my own making. I didn’t need to know that badly what someone had said about me. And what was the first friend’s motive for telling me that he knew someone had said something bad about me…
That information completely ruined my entire night. Instead of walking around carefree, I spent the afternoon believing what this person said to be true. It’s like, if 60 people tell you something good about yourself and one person tells you something bad, most likely you are going to harp on the one negative thing that someone says. And not only did I harp on it, I believed it to be true. I cried all of my makeup off, and was completely sad. Again, I thought I was willing to suffer through that just to know… I guess I was wrong. I guess I will never know the real reason that my friend told me, however I will let you know what I told him a few days later. After gathering all of my senses, and talking to some people about it, I saw my error in the situation. I pleaded with this friend to tell me… Yes, my mistake. But when I next saw the friend, I told him that I didn’t want to hear anything that other people might say about me, GOOD or BAD. If I hear something good about myself, then it will go to my head, and I will think too much about it. And if it’s bad, then I will believe it to be true, and it will make me feel worse. I simply cannot live my life on secondhand information; it gets me nowhere. I learned a lot from this experience, though. It isn’t the first time someone has talked about me, and it probably won’t be the last. But I know that I need to watch myself when it comes to gossip, compliments and criticism. In the end, it isn’t worth hurting someone, and it isn’t worth feeling hurt, just to know the details. Some things are better left unsaid. Period.
It’s the same obsession with tabloid and fashion magazines, as if I read this week’s issue of US Weekly, I am closer to knowing Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan better than you could. How many times has it happened, friends and I will get together for coffee or shopping, and I will find myself saying something very matter of factly like, “You hear LiLo is back in treatment, and she has BROKEN UP with SaMANtha Ronson… can you believe that?” Just in case you were wondering, I do not know Lindsay Lohan, nor do I plan on meeting the girl. But, if I do, then please remind me to apologize to her for ever gossiping about her personal life behind her back… Because if she and I were to meet, I can assure you, we would be instant best friends…
You might be asking yourself, why all the recent concern for hurting someone who probably won’t ever find out you ever talked about them… It’s funny how all of a sudden it is a different scenario once you are the person in question. I know people have talked about me before. Mostly, because if someone is gossiping WITH you, then you can probably bet that they are going to gossip ABOUT you at a later date. Also, I know this because we all run in the same crowds. It was brought to my attention on New Year’s Eve by a close friend that I trusted, that someone told him something terribly harmful and cruel about me. After he confided in me that someone had badmouthed me to him, I of course want to know who said it, and what was said… Mistake number one… I should have never taken the bait… But I of course wanted to know what was said. Forgetting that this could cause more harm in the situation if he told me, I begged for him to tell me the information, promising that I wouldn’t go anywhere with it. But when he told me what our “friend” said about me, it took everything I had not to confront them later that night when I saw him. I was crushed. I was hurt. My heart was broken, and it was all a problem of my own making. I didn’t need to know that badly what someone had said about me. And what was the first friend’s motive for telling me that he knew someone had said something bad about me…
That information completely ruined my entire night. Instead of walking around carefree, I spent the afternoon believing what this person said to be true. It’s like, if 60 people tell you something good about yourself and one person tells you something bad, most likely you are going to harp on the one negative thing that someone says. And not only did I harp on it, I believed it to be true. I cried all of my makeup off, and was completely sad. Again, I thought I was willing to suffer through that just to know… I guess I was wrong. I guess I will never know the real reason that my friend told me, however I will let you know what I told him a few days later. After gathering all of my senses, and talking to some people about it, I saw my error in the situation. I pleaded with this friend to tell me… Yes, my mistake. But when I next saw the friend, I told him that I didn’t want to hear anything that other people might say about me, GOOD or BAD. If I hear something good about myself, then it will go to my head, and I will think too much about it. And if it’s bad, then I will believe it to be true, and it will make me feel worse. I simply cannot live my life on secondhand information; it gets me nowhere. I learned a lot from this experience, though. It isn’t the first time someone has talked about me, and it probably won’t be the last. But I know that I need to watch myself when it comes to gossip, compliments and criticism. In the end, it isn’t worth hurting someone, and it isn’t worth feeling hurt, just to know the details. Some things are better left unsaid. Period.
Monday, January 19, 2009
my to-do list...
Ever since I was old enough to start thinking about my future, I have been planning things that I want to accomplish. Over the past twenty years or so, the list has changed… sometimes drastically, and sometimes I revert to the same dreams and desires that I have wanted since I was a child. Marriage has been on my list of “to-dos,” however other goals and ambitions on this have changed very much. But there are a few tasks that I have not accomplished yet that I would like to share with you. Call it a Bucket List, if you will. I went to see the movie “Bride Wars” with some of my girlfriends last night, and other than watching Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway fight to the death over who’s wedding would be better, I was reminded of the fact that I am 26 years old, and no closer to the one constant task that has been on my “to do list” since the first time I dressed my Barbie in a white wedding gown, and stood her next to her handsome “Ken in a tux.”
I have accomplished many things that have appeared on my list before, such as learning to knit, writing a screenplay, and visiting Amish country. I’ve experienced wonderful moments; especially since sobering up… an ambition and goal that I accomplished one day at a time since 2005. I’ve won hands in the game of Poker, and I’ve even learned to read music. I am grateful that I have been able to cross things off of my “to do” list, however there are still some things that I wish to accomplish. So here it is, Danielle’s very own list of “Things To Do Before She Kicks the Bucket” List. Enjoy, and feel free to comment… be sure to tell me what number you are commenting on. These are in no particular order.
1. Go back to College and get a degree in ANYTHING…
2. Obtain a Passport and actually get STAMPS in it… TRAVEL to anywhere, and photograph every minute of the experience.
3. Buy a camera worthy for such travels.
4. Jump from the high dive… I always chickened out and climbed back down the ladder…
5. Plant a garden.
6. Learn a foreign language, other than French, and travel to its country to speak it fluently.
7. Change someone’s life for the better.
8. Win a substantial amount of money, donate 100% of it to a worthy cause, and not tell anyone about it.
9. Publish my screenplay.
10. Have at least two children.
11. Get and stay married.
12. Watch a scary movie all the way through without closing my eyes.
13. Go to a shooting range and fire a gun.
14. Parasail.
15. Shout on the top of my lungs from such great heights…
16. Join a book club.
17. Do the Tom Cruise Dance to “Old Time Rock and Roll” from Risky Business… in white boxers and Black Rayban Wayfarers.
18. Keep my mouth shut when I really need to…
19. Bait my own hook while fishing.
20. Go to a boxing match.
21. Watch a play or ballet from backstage.
22. Love someone (child, husband, or other family member) unconditionally, and feel that love in return.
23. Hold a moon beam in the palm of my hand.
24. Get the tattoo on my wrist fixed… (Seriously, I have HUGE confrontation issues…)
25. Make a CERTAIN amends…
26. Roll around in a pile of money… (Not loose change, but actual MONEY…)
27. Time Travel… (hey, this is my DREAM wish list…) I would go back to that one day in high school and tell him…
28. Taste the rainbow…
29. Stand in the middle of Times Square with my eyes closed.
30. Kiss under the mistletoe… this has yet to be accomplished, surprisingly…
I have accomplished many things that have appeared on my list before, such as learning to knit, writing a screenplay, and visiting Amish country. I’ve experienced wonderful moments; especially since sobering up… an ambition and goal that I accomplished one day at a time since 2005. I’ve won hands in the game of Poker, and I’ve even learned to read music. I am grateful that I have been able to cross things off of my “to do” list, however there are still some things that I wish to accomplish. So here it is, Danielle’s very own list of “Things To Do Before She Kicks the Bucket” List. Enjoy, and feel free to comment… be sure to tell me what number you are commenting on. These are in no particular order.
1. Go back to College and get a degree in ANYTHING…
2. Obtain a Passport and actually get STAMPS in it… TRAVEL to anywhere, and photograph every minute of the experience.
3. Buy a camera worthy for such travels.
4. Jump from the high dive… I always chickened out and climbed back down the ladder…
5. Plant a garden.
6. Learn a foreign language, other than French, and travel to its country to speak it fluently.
7. Change someone’s life for the better.
8. Win a substantial amount of money, donate 100% of it to a worthy cause, and not tell anyone about it.
9. Publish my screenplay.
10. Have at least two children.
11. Get and stay married.
12. Watch a scary movie all the way through without closing my eyes.
13. Go to a shooting range and fire a gun.
14. Parasail.
15. Shout on the top of my lungs from such great heights…
16. Join a book club.
17. Do the Tom Cruise Dance to “Old Time Rock and Roll” from Risky Business… in white boxers and Black Rayban Wayfarers.
18. Keep my mouth shut when I really need to…
19. Bait my own hook while fishing.
20. Go to a boxing match.
21. Watch a play or ballet from backstage.
22. Love someone (child, husband, or other family member) unconditionally, and feel that love in return.
23. Hold a moon beam in the palm of my hand.
24. Get the tattoo on my wrist fixed… (Seriously, I have HUGE confrontation issues…)
25. Make a CERTAIN amends…
26. Roll around in a pile of money… (Not loose change, but actual MONEY…)
27. Time Travel… (hey, this is my DREAM wish list…) I would go back to that one day in high school and tell him…
28. Taste the rainbow…
29. Stand in the middle of Times Square with my eyes closed.
30. Kiss under the mistletoe… this has yet to be accomplished, surprisingly…
Saturday, January 10, 2009
coffee, camels, and conversation
i was hanging with some friends last night over coffee and camels, and an interesting conversation struck up... at first, we were discussing politics, movies, sports... (go cats!!!) then, against my will, the convo headed for an interesting turn... a topic that i would have cut off my right arm to avoid entirely... DATING... i was entertained with personal stories from my pals, (mostly female) about events that occurred during their tumultuous times with exes… "and then, out of NOWHERE, he left me…" or "he cheated on me… WITH MY BEST FRIEND…" then the painful memories of my own experiences flooded my mind… and it consumed me… all of a sudden, i couldn't breathe... the walls closed in on my senses, and i couldn't think of anything but the fact that i had a sense of failure, lurking over my head.
"we just quit communicating," i said, when it was was my turn to share, reminiscing over the most recent relationship that ended in doom and heartache. but was that true? or was it that we were unable to communicate effectively in the first place? and why is verbal intimacy so damn important anyway? i've been known to talk some shit to DEATH... so, why is it so important to me to ask him during "cold pizza," whatchya thinkin' 'bout?" like, duh... he's thinking about sports...
i mulled it over in my mind last night on the ride home, and it occured to me that sometimes, it just doesn't matter... silence can be bliss; the world is noisy... it is not always necessary to talk a situation to death... don't get me wrong, i love to couch surf with my guy, watching sports center, wearing my sweats, white t and yankee ballcap... for during those moments, my mind is still... but when does that pivotal moment occur when the relationship switches from casual courting, hand holding, starry-eyed gazing puppy love to uncomfortable contentment? is it when you have already talked about everything there is to talk about? or is there just no need to communicate because you already know each other so well?
and why does it matter? why can't i just be content with what is in front of me... chinese takeout on the coffee table, pulp fiction in the DVD player... and my guy by my side... who's with me? who has ever felt this way? or guys out there, have you ever felt like your girl is just talking the crap out of a situation, and think she needs to just chill?
i am starting to think that silence is golden... it's the little moments that matter... hangin' out... the experience of listening to a new song for the first time together... trying out a new restaurant, and sharing off of each other's plate... that is the key... moments of happiness... not drawn out conversations that usually end up in one of us having to respect and appreciate the other's point of view... or apologize for something said, that could have been avoided entirely had i not asked THAT specific question...
in closing, i think that i can best sum this up by quoting max ehrmann in saying, "go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence."
"we just quit communicating," i said, when it was was my turn to share, reminiscing over the most recent relationship that ended in doom and heartache. but was that true? or was it that we were unable to communicate effectively in the first place? and why is verbal intimacy so damn important anyway? i've been known to talk some shit to DEATH... so, why is it so important to me to ask him during "cold pizza," whatchya thinkin' 'bout?" like, duh... he's thinking about sports...
i mulled it over in my mind last night on the ride home, and it occured to me that sometimes, it just doesn't matter... silence can be bliss; the world is noisy... it is not always necessary to talk a situation to death... don't get me wrong, i love to couch surf with my guy, watching sports center, wearing my sweats, white t and yankee ballcap... for during those moments, my mind is still... but when does that pivotal moment occur when the relationship switches from casual courting, hand holding, starry-eyed gazing puppy love to uncomfortable contentment? is it when you have already talked about everything there is to talk about? or is there just no need to communicate because you already know each other so well?
and why does it matter? why can't i just be content with what is in front of me... chinese takeout on the coffee table, pulp fiction in the DVD player... and my guy by my side... who's with me? who has ever felt this way? or guys out there, have you ever felt like your girl is just talking the crap out of a situation, and think she needs to just chill?
i am starting to think that silence is golden... it's the little moments that matter... hangin' out... the experience of listening to a new song for the first time together... trying out a new restaurant, and sharing off of each other's plate... that is the key... moments of happiness... not drawn out conversations that usually end up in one of us having to respect and appreciate the other's point of view... or apologize for something said, that could have been avoided entirely had i not asked THAT specific question...
in closing, i think that i can best sum this up by quoting max ehrmann in saying, "go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence."
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
New Year's Eve and Bruised Egos
So, it occurred to me after pondering my latest crush, that if you never get to be someone’s girlfriend, then you can never get to be their ex-girlfriend. And that brings me comfort, knowing that if the relationship was never meant to be, then I have a better chance of never tiring myself trying to make the relationship last. Having said that, there are a few things that I need to vent before I rest my head on the pillow tonight. Knowing that I have no business even being in a relationship, let me just say that knowing is not the issue. I am completely obsessed with being in a relationship… always have been, and unless something changes in me, I probably always will be. But what comes after the guy reciprocates the feelings that I have expressed to him? Do we like, date or court, or frolic and play the Eskimo way? Does he start thinking of how my first name would sound paired with his last? Not likely… Or, better yet, what happens when he finds out about my so called crush and he doesn’t possess the same feeling? After living a decade without voicing my interest in men, or boys I should say, I decided to do something bold and brave, but not at all brilliant on New Year’s Eve. I texted my cliché wish for midnight… to kiss him while listening to millions of people count down from ten on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Eve televised party. Of course there was no response to my confession and he left the party with my bruised ego riding shotgun in his Subaru.
After a day and a half of wondering if I completely ruined our friendship, I decided to pick the scab, pour salt on the wound if you will, and texted him an apology for my sober, yet very impulsive confession. What is it about complete desperation, pure animal instinct that leads me to put myself out there without even a hint of reciprocated interest? If all this time I have liked him, and he ends up voicing his knowledge of this, then why the look? Why the conversation with witty banter, and flirtatious undertone? Is it because he is safe in that bubble of time? When thinking that I like him, but knowing that I don’t know he knows gives him a cushion to flirt, without having to admit that he doesn’t have the same feelings… In the words of the great Chris Isaacs, “it’s strange what desire will make foolish people do…”
Admitting to the great obsession is something that I rarely do, only to protect myself from the big bad wolf that is rejection. Believe me; I would rather push bamboo up my fingernails than be rejected after biting the bullet, and putting myself out there… It’s all in the game of the chase though. For example, admitting that I have had it for him for a while, and that I would like to partake in an old, American tradition and pastime… kissing when the ball drops on the new year… admitting to that bears my desires to someone, and allows them to do with it as they wish. And in the same regard, when someone else professed interest in me and I didn’t return the same feelings, they chased even harder.
But what is it about being in love? Or loving being in love? For me, it’s like the best feeling in the world. The rejection part is of course, the worst. But being in love, like head over heals-I’ll compromise the movie of my choice-will you be there tonight?-I burned you a great cd-love is the best feeling in the world… If I could bottle it and perhaps administer it through my veins with a constant drip then I would. It’s like no other drug I have ever received a high from. It is the best damn feeling in the world, and riding that high has a harsh come-down… When it comes to love, lust, infatuation, flirting, obsession, or whatever you want to call it, the crash from that high is the worst feeling I have ever experienced, and so a constant morphine-like drip would be necessary… please and thank you…
And here I am, new year, but same old single me… What is it about being alone that makes the new year so dreadful. Someone told that what you are doing at midnight is what you will be doing all year long… If that is the case, then I will be letting my heart ride home in someone else’s car… and it’s getting old… I only hope that whoever is driving fastens it in a seatbelt, because if this year is anything like the last, we are in for a bumpy ride…
After a day and a half of wondering if I completely ruined our friendship, I decided to pick the scab, pour salt on the wound if you will, and texted him an apology for my sober, yet very impulsive confession. What is it about complete desperation, pure animal instinct that leads me to put myself out there without even a hint of reciprocated interest? If all this time I have liked him, and he ends up voicing his knowledge of this, then why the look? Why the conversation with witty banter, and flirtatious undertone? Is it because he is safe in that bubble of time? When thinking that I like him, but knowing that I don’t know he knows gives him a cushion to flirt, without having to admit that he doesn’t have the same feelings… In the words of the great Chris Isaacs, “it’s strange what desire will make foolish people do…”
Admitting to the great obsession is something that I rarely do, only to protect myself from the big bad wolf that is rejection. Believe me; I would rather push bamboo up my fingernails than be rejected after biting the bullet, and putting myself out there… It’s all in the game of the chase though. For example, admitting that I have had it for him for a while, and that I would like to partake in an old, American tradition and pastime… kissing when the ball drops on the new year… admitting to that bears my desires to someone, and allows them to do with it as they wish. And in the same regard, when someone else professed interest in me and I didn’t return the same feelings, they chased even harder.
But what is it about being in love? Or loving being in love? For me, it’s like the best feeling in the world. The rejection part is of course, the worst. But being in love, like head over heals-I’ll compromise the movie of my choice-will you be there tonight?-I burned you a great cd-love is the best feeling in the world… If I could bottle it and perhaps administer it through my veins with a constant drip then I would. It’s like no other drug I have ever received a high from. It is the best damn feeling in the world, and riding that high has a harsh come-down… When it comes to love, lust, infatuation, flirting, obsession, or whatever you want to call it, the crash from that high is the worst feeling I have ever experienced, and so a constant morphine-like drip would be necessary… please and thank you…
And here I am, new year, but same old single me… What is it about being alone that makes the new year so dreadful. Someone told that what you are doing at midnight is what you will be doing all year long… If that is the case, then I will be letting my heart ride home in someone else’s car… and it’s getting old… I only hope that whoever is driving fastens it in a seatbelt, because if this year is anything like the last, we are in for a bumpy ride…
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
